Archive for September, 2009

JOKES IN EMAIL

September 28, 2009

In the first decade of the 21st Century an even more fertile source of laugher are the attachments   emails sent by relatives and friends.  I probably never had such vigorous and sustained glee in the decades before the invention of the diverting attachments.  At times it seems that some of them, at least, converted me from a gloomy Gus of unrelieved solemnity to an occasional patron of mirth.

I usually print the likely jokes on 8-1/2 paper and place them in the appropriate file for future reference, or, if they if they fit on 3 x 5 cards, cut them out and paste.  Sometimes it is necessary to fold part of the joke on the other side of the card, or perhaps merely cut it in two and paste one-half on the other side of the card.

My computer skills are not sufficient to enlarge or decrease the text size in order to make it fit the card either on one side or two.  It may be, however, that the printer is equally lacking in this skill.

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ILLUSTRATING A POINT

September 28, 2009

Examples can prove that jokes of ancient vintage have not lost their youthful vigor.  Here are some familiar stories which if used again with suitable adjustments at the right time and place can encourage laughter, chuckles or maybe smiles.

A government official seeking statistical data called an employer.  He asked “How many employees do you have broken down by sex?   After thinking a while the businessman replied “None that I know of.  Our main problem here seems to be alcohol.”

A discerning person may discover that this story is somewhat old fashioned.  Why?  Nowadays the government official would probably say “gender.”  In some areas, except in the movies and other entertainment, sex seems to have lost its earlier cachet.  Now gender classifies humans.  Years ago it was confined to grammar books for students. The use of “gender” in the above illustration would emasculate (sex again) the punch line.

Here is an “oldie” and a “quickie” that will stay current so long as people eat and take meals in restaurants.  Conversation at a lunch counter:  “We have everything on the menu today, sir” remarked the waitress.  “So I see,” said the customer.  “May I have a clean one”?

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AMUSING ANECDOTES

September 28, 2009

Occasionally it’s appropriate and fun to illustrate a point of view with an anecdote about a historical personage. 

Honoré de Balzac, the French novelist of the early 19th century, liked the high life even though he had a low income.  Finally, an old and stingy uncle died and left him a lot of money.  Balzac informed his friends as follows: 

“Yesterday at 5 AM both my uncle and I passed on to a better life.”

Anecdotes about Winston Churchill abound. He and Lady Astor feuded for years.  One day she saw him imbibing his favorite Scotch and said, “If  I were your wife I’d put poison in it.” she retorted,  “And if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”  Some transparency:  This was a vaudeville gag of 100 years earlier.  Maybe the lady and the prime minister were not plagiarizing but only borrowing.

And then on this side of the Atlantic, there is the legendary Dorothy Parker.  She was recovering from a minor operation in a hospital.  There was a knock on the door and a voice asked,  “May I come in?  Ms Parker responded, “Who goes there—friend or enema?”           

 

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