Archive for April, 2010

MUSCLE MOVEMENT FOR SENIORS

April 28, 2010

Everyone knows that exercise is beneficial for all ages, including seniors.

As a youth I was only moderately active, but about the time of the Royal Canadian Air Force Exercise Book, I vigorously embraced our northern neighbor’s  physical fitness ethos by doing the prescribed movements.   After I suffered a degenerated lower disk in 1972, the legendary Dr. Paul Williams prescribed back exercises which I followed regularly for several years.  Five or six subsequent orthopedists since suggested variations, but the routine continued.

Dr, Williams did not like the stress on the joints resulting from running. so to appease me he suggested jogging in place with hands on the back of a lower chair or on a table while rapidly moving the legs backwards and forwards. This style of jogging from ten to 30 minutes in hotel rooms at night did not create  contented neighbors, especially on the floor below.  After maybe two years of this, I became seriously interested in swimming, and after much practice, a goal of one mile per 50 minutes was reached.   Since walking was and is a popular physical activity, I did a lot of it also. This new zeal prevailed until about 2004, when physical symptoms required a change of routine.

Currently the exercise consists of muscle movements, weight lifting and water therapy.

Almost everyone probably wonders whether all of this activity is worth the time invested.   I take comfort from a fitness fanatic who remarked: “At least you know you will die healthy.”

SPEECHLESS SENIORS

April 17, 2010

A Senior citizen in 2010 has had years of practice communicating with family, friends and countless others in a multitude of situations.  Nevertheless, even the experienced conversationalist may hesitate during an encounter with someone from a different country or a completely different lifestyle. Many years ago I attended a series of lectures on business practices of various nations.  The speaker, whose name, unfortunately, I forgot, suggested a simple technique to help start a conversation with an unknown person from another country.

Although simple, it does require a little preparation in advance.  Before the visit, obtain minimal facts about the new person’s country such as its history, geography or accomplishments of its citizens.  Extensive research is unnecessary.  Finally, during the encounter, look for opportunities to ask a question based on the information you read.  In all likelihood the visitor will be flattered, maybe even elated, that you show interest in some aspect of his homeland.

A few examples of such questions with the appropriate foreign visitor: “Why is Benito Juarez such a popular figure in Mexico?

In the Welsh settlements of Argentina do the people keep their language and culture? Borneo is fascinating land.  Have you seen some of its interesting animals?

With appropriate variations this technique can be used in any new encounter anywhere.  For your next visit advanced study may not be necessary.  You may already have questions in mind you’ve always wanted to ask somebody.

TIPSY TALES

April 7, 2010

Immoderate use of alcoholic beverages is widely condemned, but amusing stories often result from the temporary lowering of inhibitions.  A few examples follow:

An American senior tourist attempted to smuggle a bottle of tequila across the Mexican border.  A customs official asked what it was.  “Holy water from the Shrine,” replied the tourist.  The official took a sip and exclaimed, “This is tequila.”  “My, another miracle!” replied the tourist.

An automobile was weaving along the highway.  Finally it overturned three times and landed right side up.  The aging driver emerged completely unharmed. An arriving police officer grabbed the man by the shirt collar “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”  “Of course, “ replied the driver, “what do you think I am……a stunt driver?

A senior is stopped by a cop who says, “You’re going to get a ticket for speeding.”  The octogenarian says,  “I was only doing 40 miles an hour,” and the cop says, “No, you were doing 50 miles in a 30-mile zone”  The driver argues “I was doing only 40.” And his wife pops up and says, “Don’t argue with my husband when he has been drinking.”

Three aging buddies are heavy drinkers.  Every Friday evening they drink to the point of inebriation.  Then one leaves the room, and the other two try to guess who left.

And here’s one about that famous imbiber, Dean Martin, in his younger days.  A friend reported that Dean finally solved his drinking problem:  He wears an old suit in case he falls down too often.

SENIOR STREAKING AND MORE

April 7, 2010

Two bored octagenerians were seated across from the convention center where a flower show was in progress.  They were unable to think of anything interesting to do.  Then one jumped up and declared:  “Golly, I’m so bored.  For $2.00 I’d rip off my clothes and streak through all those flowers.  His buddy held up two bills and said “Go for it, and this money is yours.”

The reanimated senior ripped off his clothes and invaded the show.  Soon there were shouts, laughter, clapping and raucous comments from the resulting disorder.  Then  the aged streaker joined his friend who asked how it went.  “Oh,” he said, “I won the prize for best dried arrangement.”

This unlikely story illustrates the role of the absurd in humor which almost always makes a story funny.  The synonym ludicrous may better describe the flower show encounter since it is laughably absurd.

The comments and antics of children usually bring laughter  The famous radio and TV personality of yesteryear, Art Linkletter, was a fan of kids’ comments and even wrote a book titled “Kids Say the Darndest Things.”   At hand for the bored  person tiring of senior jokes are juvenile remarks that are not only funny but often wise as well.

The following comments did not come from Mr. Linkletter.  Instead they are from the web site of a  Texas newspaper, HeraldDemocrat.com of February 19, 2009:  Alan, age 10, responding to “ How do you decide who to marry?” “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.  Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”

And to “What do you think your mom and dad have in common?”  Lori, age 8, reported “Both don’t want any more kids.”

After considering the opposite ends of the age range, the interested observer is left with middle age which lends itself to mordant humor:  Unlike the young and senior citizens, people in middle age have to take care of themselves.


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