Archive for the ‘Senior Snapshots’ Category

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DOWNSIZING

September 17, 2010

Ben Franklin said that there are two sure things in life:  death and taxes which are now so prominent in the news media.  Get ready for a third sure thing, especially for many Americans i.e. downsizing.  A 1970 collegiate dictionary says downsizing means “to produce smaller models or styles.”  An early 21st century version includes reducing the size and operating costs of a company and of a residence for those approaching retirement.

For many the work in downsizing seems to resemble an earthly Hell which may force them to give more attention to end-of-life matters.

The reader may expect a weighty hint on how to facilitate a home downsizing.  There is none other than the techniques used in other areas of life when a decrease or a change is called for.  Get help from family or friends, and remember three short words “Just do it.”  Everyone learns most just be doing.  

Other than business and residence following are a few additional downsizing suggestions:

  1.  Ego
  2. Criticisms of family and friends
  3. Wasteful work
  4. Hours watching television
  5. Alcohol consumption
  6. Suggestions from the reader

 The reader will notice that this list calls for reductions—not eliminations.

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FLEXIBLE JOKES (I)

January 23, 2010

 In a speech I told a joke ridiculing a prominent political figure.  Later, a lady in the audience objected, and I explained that the joke was flexible.  Just substitute the name of one politician with the name of another.  The same can often be done with gender.  My explanation  seemed to satisfy her.   Here are examples of a flexible joke:

 1.  A little boy went up to his father and asked:  “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?”  The father replied:  “Well, son. You must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine.”

 2.   A couple was having a disagreement, which rapidly developed into an argument.  The wife left the room only to return later, saying, “I’ve changed my mind.  “Thank heaven,”  He replied.  “I hope it’s working now.”

It’s obvious that in the first joke the mother could have made the reply, and in the second the husband could have changed his mind.

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JOE MILLER’S JOKES

November 7, 2009

After not finding much humor in the China of Confucius, more recent history seemed to offer better possibilities.  I moved to the early 18th century and checked on Joe Miller,  a man with a familiar name  but vague credentials.   His claim to fame is compiling,  not writing,  a book of   “jests.”  Joke is a more modern word.   He did this even though he did not know how to read.    An itinerant actor,   he apparently learned his lines without reading them first.   An interested reader of this blog may want to investigate this further

One can wonder about his alleged contributions to humor.  Probably current appreciation does not coincide with the opinion of a good joke in 1725 when the book was written.

Then,  as now,  the answer to a question can stir up laughter    An English gentleman in the 18th century asked  “How do men differ from cattle?”   If  he got the correct  answer,  it would have been “Cattle don’t talk politics when they eat and drink.  Politics seems to be a timeless topic of conversation.

Also timeless is the question of age.   A middle aged man and woman were discussing how old people were.   She said “Believe me when I say I’m 40.”  He replied “Oh, I believe you.  After all I’ve heard you say so for the last ten years.”

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JOSH BILLINGS

November 7, 2009

The words of prominent humorists of the past are often a good source for current laughter and fun.  Almost forgotten today, but a star entertainer in the time of Abraham Lincoln,  Josh Billings (1818 – 1885) traveled the small towns and cities of the nation bringing cheer and fun to isolated citizens.   His career overlapped that of Mark Twain (1835-1910) who left a more enduring literary legacy.

Comments show his commitment to spreading mirth:  “Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it in only one spot.”  and “There is no fun in medicine, but there is a lot of medicine in fun.”  Medicine today is still no fun, but overall it must taste a lot better than most 19th century concoctions.

By clicking on the Internet, the reader can enjoy some of his humorous advice  like: 

             1.  “Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.” 

             2.  “A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.”

             3.  “Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things that ought to be done.”

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LAUGHTER ON CARDS

October 27, 2009

Those who have trouble remembering or telling jokes can train themselves to be alert to comedy,  children’s antics, anecdotes, odd reports or bizarre incidents often found in and out of the print media.  Sometimes a funny story shows up in an unlikely publication.

To preserve this source of laughter, the reader should cut and paste the joke on 3 x 5 cards or larger and store for future reference.  On a gloomy day he can take a handful, sip a cup of coffee and feel the tickling of his funny bone. He will have a temporary lift of spirit.  Alcohol will do the same thing, but there is more danger of addiction.

Probably even more fertile sources for humor are the attachments to emails sent by relatives and friends.  I probably never had such vigorous and sustained laughter in prior decades.

Frequent perusal will fix the humor in the memory.  Relatives and friends will be surprised that the new skill of telling jokes can result in a transformed personality.   Sometimes it seems they converted me from a hopeless sober sides into an occasional maker of mirth.

I usually print these and file the 8-1/2 sheets in the appropriate folders.  I  prefer, however, to cut and paste the jokes and try to make them fit on 3 x 5 cards often by  folding them to the back side or  by  dividing the story and pasting part on the other side of the card.

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DEAFNESS AND LAUGHTER

October 27, 2009

Senior citizens seem to laugh instinctively at their frailties.  They enjoy telling about the mildly offbeat behavior that sometimes results.  They want to do the reporting and not let a younger person do it. 

The children of a very senior and very deaf lady finally persuaded her to visit an audiologist.  Sometime after getting the hearing aid she returned to the audiologist for an evaluation.  He said. “Well,  I suppose your family is happy now that you can hear everything they say?”  She replied, “Oh, I haven’t told them, and you know something?  I’ve changed my will three times.”

A senior couple celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary, and after the guests had departed on the evening of the great event, they were seated on the sofa watching the late news.  The husband   leaned over to his wife and said , “Mother, I’m proud of you.”  “Huh, eh?” she sputtered, “What did you say?  You know I can’t hear without my hearing aid.”  More loudly the old man repeated, “I’m  proud of you.”  Kindly, she replied, “Oh, that’s all right.  I’m tired of you too.”

Often a comic result of a conversation with a hard of hearing man is that he responds to his own deafness by raising his voice when making replies.  Or maybe that is just the reaction of this writer.

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HUMOR IN TEETH

October 27, 2009

A senior couple celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary with a day of festivities.  In bed that night the lady said to her husband, “Dear, embrace me the way you used to do when we were first married.”  Eagerly, he complied with a strenuous hug.

Then she pleaded, “Now, kiss me the way you used to.”  Promptly, he gave her a voluptuous kiss worthy of a romantic movie star.   Not content, she had another request.  Giggling, she said, “Now, bite me the way you used to.”  He jumped out of bed.  “Where are you going?” she asked.  “To get my teeth,” he replied.

While we may joke about people with missing teeth or none, nevertheless, good teeth are essential to good health.  Dentists often strive to save a defective tooth with still healthy roots by putting a crown on it.   Thus, many people feel eligible to sing that famous hymn “Crown Him with Many Crowns.”

It is interesting to note that in an article in Consumer Reports on Health of April 2002, fewer than 20% of the residents of eleven states had lost all of their natural teeth.  Their dentures are a combination of the natural and the false.  These states are Connecticut,  New Jersey, Florida, Arizona, California, Oregon, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Hawaii and, of course, Texas.  The residents of the other states had a slightly higher percentage of only false teeth.

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HOW MANY DOCTORS DO YOU HAVE?

October 23, 2009

Other than grandchildren the major topic of conversation among seniors is probably their health and, by extension, their doctors.  While there are complaints, most seniors are content with their medical care.

Opportunities for humor abound like the experience of an 80 year old man who went for an annual physical:  As he was listening to the man’s heart with the stethoscope, the doctor muttered “Oh, Oh.”  “What’s the problem?” asked the man.  “Well,” the doctor said, “You have a serious heart murmur.”  “Do you smoke?”  “No, replied the man.  “Do you drink in excess?”  “No,” replied the man.  “Do you have a sex life?”  “Yes, I do.”  “Well,” said the doctor, “ You’ll have to give up half of your sex life.’   “Which half?” muttered the man, ” The looking or the thinking? 

 The doctor gave his 80-year old patient a curious stare.   “I’ve been practicing medicine for 20 years, and this is the first time anyone has had this complaint.  What do you mean your virility is too high?”

The old man sighed gently.  It’s all up in my head, he explained.

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CONFUCIUS SAY

October 19, 2009

About 300 years after Abraham, Confucius and other noteworthy figures appear in bustling China.  The Internet seems to show no authentic jokes of that era, and motivated by weariness with the Confucius Say jokes beginning in the 1940s, I opted for a few more serious but still clever  sayings of about 500 B. C. and perhaps later.

While I found no genuine humor but, I did find aphorisms, though ancient in origin, yet up-to-date in application.

 “Choose the job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.” is often quoted today, and should be remembered by anyone looking for a job or career.  This advice is timeless and is fresh for each new generation. 

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” could be of European origin and not from the China of 3800 years ago.   A similar American saying is “The first step is half the journey.”  Many, including yours truly, like to put off that first step which, of course, means that there is no journey. 

The contemporary Confucian sayings aren’t meant to teach but rather to amuse often in a way not printable in a family blog.  Here is one eminently printable that may warm up a tepid sales force:  “Salesperson who covers chair instead of territory always remains on bottom.” 

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LAUGHTER IN HISTORY

October 19, 2009

We often say that something is as old as the hills.  That does not include humor which coincides with the arrival of  humans who alone are capable of laughter.  In a poetic sense the hills may sing, but they don’t laugh

Although there may be earlier written accounts, the Bible recorded laughter in the book of Genesis 3800 years ago.  In Chapter 17 Abraham “fell down and laughed” when  a visitor told this centenarian that his nonagenarian wife Sarah would produce a male heir and thus create a great nation.

In Chapter 18 we read that Sarah laughed to herself when from the back of the tent she overheard the conversation of another visitor who confirmed the previous promise to Abraham.  The Middle Eastern cultures of that day, and to some extent today, prohibited a wife from casual contact with a man other that husband or brother.

 Finally, in Chapter 21 the promised heir, Isaac, is born and Sarah remarks, “God has brought me laughter.”  Was there something funny about the new baby?  No.  Isaac means laughter, and Sarah commemorates her earlier reaction. 

The Bible is not  about humor or laughter even though the book of Ecclesiastes mentions  that  life provides a time to weep and to laugh.  Rather, the Bible prefers to emphasize joy.

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